“Love is the one word in our Western tradition adequate to describe this synthesis of ego and shadow.” -Robert Johnson
In astrology, Scorpio is ruled by the 8th house. The 8th house represents sex, death, rebirth, transformation... the undercurrents of life. Anything taboo or related to the darker parts of human existence. An evolved Scorpio is wise, powerful, and isn’t afraid of the dark, and is no stranger to the Shadow.
The Shadow is defined as the disavowed parts of our personality that we repress into our unconscious . . . the parts of us that we fail (or perhaps, more actively—refuse) to see or know. Although shadow is often thought to be the darker, undesirable aspects of who we are—and often times this is the case—it is not necessarily so. The Shadow is simply composed of the parts of oneself that have been rejected because they did not serve us in the familial, cultural, or societal worlds we are born into or later find ourselves in. Because we as human beings depend on relationships to survive, any aspect of who we are that threatens our sense of belonging is inevitably cast away into the shadow. Often times these are traits generally considered to be negative or sinful, i.e., selfishness, envy, jealousy, anger. But if we can view these traits from a different perspective, we might see that they are also fostering or underpinning the most beautiful, interesting, and valuable parts of who we are, such as our creativity and talent, emotional sensitivity, or our assertiveness. As they say, the difference between a weed and a flower is a judgment.
Our culture demands that we divide ourselves in this way. Thus, we show and identify with the acceptable, non-threatening parts of ourselves (our persona), the parts that conform to society’s standards and expectations, and we restrict all things socially unpalatable. We do this automatically as children, during those early years of adaptation and socialization. It is our task as we mature and evolve spiritually to put ourselves back together again and heal the internal split between dark (disavowed/unconscious/unknown) and light (acceptable/ conscious/ known).
But where do we begin? How do we get in touch with these unknown parts of ourselves? Since the Shadow is unconscious, we most commonly discover these darker parts of our personality through someone else who is acting it out for us. We can easily perceive moral deficiencies in others, but not in ourselves. Maybe we judge a friend who is a rude and demanding customer at a restaurant. Maybe we resent a friend who wouldn’t lend us money or offer us a place to crash when we came to town and deem them as selfish, a spouse who gets taken advantage of at work and won’t speak up and ask for what they deserve, an influencer constantly posting scandalous selfies on social media . . . We find ourselves judging them for their weak or shameful behavior, maybe gossiping about it to a friend. Perhaps we feel frustrated with someone who is not living in their power or up to their potential . . . a friend who won’t leave a relationship that isn’t serving them and continues in the role as a doormat, a sibling with great talent who doesn’t make time for their craft.
Real spiritual evolution takes place when we use our judgments and resentments as guides and ask ourselves, “Is this judgment pointing to a piece of myself that I don’t want to see because it’s too humiliating and painful or might require me to do something that scares me?” I have a friend who likes to say, “You spot it, you got it!” And in the simplest terms, it tends to be true.
In the case of our rude and demanding friend, maybe there is a part of us, too, that tends towards superiority and self-importance. Or perhaps the friend isn’t demanding at all, we just judge them to be because we struggle to ask for what we want and need, because we have lost our own sense of power and self-worth. Perhaps we judge our friend who wouldn’t lend us money as being selfish and stingy because we feel entitled to their resources, or we are out of touch with our own healthy selfishness—we see them as lacking generosity because we’ve been conditioned to be a people pleaser, to give into others’ requests at the expense of our own well-being. Because we have not yet learned how to take care of ourselves and set healthy boundaries (even if it disappoints the other person), we judge others for taking care of themselves. Perhaps we judge our partner for not standing up to his/her boss because we too live in fear, stay small, allow ourselves to be a doormat. It’s easier to push our partner to do the hard work than to keep the focus on our own shortcomings and do what scares us.
We too have wanted to scream at a waiter when we’ve had a bad day but judge or repress our own anger, we too have wanted to act selfishly but have been afraid to, and perhaps we too want to post selfies but are too afraid to put ourselves out there and care too much what other people think. This is hard stuff to own, no doubt, and these are all just mild examples of Shadow-material.
The point is we’ve all got dark, disgusting parts of ourselves that we judge ourselves for. Yes, every last one of us has a dark side. But when we don’t do the work of owning it, then we are more critical and un-accepting of others who have those very same characteristics. Through doing the work of owning the Shadow, it becomes softer, more malleable and gentle, and we contribute less to the general darkness of the world.
The good news is that all of us have much more depth and power than we believe we do, and the Shadow can lead us there. It is when we consciously face our Shadow that we are made whole. That is, we have synthesized our ego and our Shadow. And when we can do that, when we can heal our internal split, we can become ONE within ourselves. Doing the work of owning your projections takes you to a place of much deeper self-love, acceptance and inner-peace. Yes, you heard me right: the path to true self-love is to shamelessly own the worst parts of yourself. It’s the only way.